Come fly with me let's fly, let's fly away

Up to this point, my six previous flights have been very reasonable. No sitting around at airports, emergency landings or sitting next to nutters (other than Tom and Rob lulz). However, things took a turn for the worst as me, Simon and Matt prepared to fly to Perth. After arriving at 6 am for a 7.50 am flight we were tucking into some breakfast when it was announced that our flight had been delayed around 2 hours. Groans of dissatisfaction echoed around the departure lounge. To combat the boredom of sitting in one of the lamest airports I’ve ever been to, we sat and watched football videos on the laptop. 2 hours isn’t a bad time to be delayed, especially if it means that the plane is getting fixed enough to guarantee that the engines will not fall out mid flight.

However, when an announcement about our flight started again on the tannoy, I already feared the worst. 6 HOUR DELAY. Queue a rush of people to the desk to complain/ask what could possibly cause a 6 hour delay.



Very tired, having gotten up at 5 am, me and the boys trudged up to the desk to collect our 12 dollar food vouchers (compensation for being made to wait, though unfortunately not to be used on alcohol), when we discovered that we were getting the value of our flight in credit to be used on a future Virgin Blue flight. YESSSS Virgin Blue. Not only do you have the best looking air stewardesses, you also compensate properly. So, for sitting in the airport eating and watching videos of Zinedine Zidane I was getting $250 towards my $299 flight to Townsville. BONZA.

Darwin- Post 'Boys on tour'

So this was it. As we all know everything comes to an end. Arsenal’s record breaking unbeaten run, Tottenham’s pathetic losing to Arsenal every time we played them, Paul Danan’s acting career, Michael Jackson’s life. EVERYTHING ends. Much more traumatic than these was the splitting up of the boys. Our time together was over. Rob was off to Cairns briefly before flying to the States, Jon Lee back to Melbourne to work for a bit before flying to Asia (his spiritual home), Benny boy was off to Cairns as well to look for work. What about the others I hear you cry. Well I decided that I wanted to see some of the West Coast so decided I’d accompany Si and Justin Bieber to Perth.

During the few days we had in Darwin it hadn’t really occurred to me that of course there was going to be a goodbye. Standing outside the hostel and waving the boys off as they carried on their separate adventures was actually quite sad. Me and Rob had been together for around six months and shared everything. Literally everything. Though the less said about that the better! Rob is one of my best friends and we had been through a lot during our time away, including him often having to cover for my worrying lack of common sense. Those that know him will be happy to hear that the lasting image I have is of his bare arse flashed out the window of the bus taking them to the airport!

As I write this there is the possibility that I may catch Ben on the East Coast before I fly to Fiji, but messrs Lee and Weber will not be seen until I get back on English soil. I already know that the six of us will meet up back home, possibly in Norwich to get loose.

After the boys departure me, Simon and Matt enjoyed Darwin’s tropical climate (31C in Winter!), chilling out by the sea, in the park and kicking it at what wasn’t a very good hostel. We visited the free Northern Territory museum, which was ok and included a 16ft dead crocodile and some stuff about a massive cyclone that ruined Darwin in the 70's. Other than that it was just a time for us to have a few quiet beers, spend as little money as possible and recover after what had been a massive 12 days. In Darwin we also happened to bump into Eva, a German girl that had stayed at MC for a few days. This meant that I hung about with her for a bit before it was time to wave goodbye to Darwin and head to the much more temperate climate of Perth.

Melbourne Shuffle

As ever I’m as far behind with this as everyone is when they try to beat Kriss Akabusi in a running race and when they try to better him at pulling women. As I write this I’m sat in the tropical climate of Darwin in Australia’s Northern Territories. However, before we get on to that I have the serious matter of telling whoever is listening about the final two months in Melbourne before THE ROAD TRIP.

Anyone who has been reading up to this point knows that I’m a big fan of Melbourne and wouldn’t pick another city in Australia to spend as much time working in (That includes you Sydney). After my decision to leave Red Hot PR I spent a week or two searching for a new job that would provide a more steady income. That job came in the unusual shape of… debt collection. Now, you all know I’m hard as nails, that’s a given, but I never expected that any of my time in Australia would be spent telling members of their population to cough up government debts that they owe. There was a slight drawback with this job as I had to be dressed in a shirt, tie, trousers and shoes at all times.

Spending money on such things is not what I had in mind when leaving the country with just a rucksack on my back. However, without paying for these I would not have been able to earn $21 an hour just for sitting on the phone and arguing with these people. Getting up early to get the tram was a bit of a pain in the arse but the job itself was actually quite enjoyable. Almost all of my time was spent with a really safe lad called Jon. He was of Tongan descent but had been living in Melbourne’s suburbs all his life. I spent all my breaks and tram rides home with him and we built up a good Aussie-Pom relationship. Despite only being 19 he was on the same wavelength and definitely impressed me when I found out that he had only got the job to save up money to support his girlfriend who was pregnant with his child. Lunches were a laugh as we’d discuss the attractiveness of the various girls in the office and compare differences between Australia and England.















All in all I was at Dun & Bradstreet for around 6 weeks and earned a decent amount of money for doing very little. I actually enjoyed being abused, told to go back to England and sworn at, as I could always give a bit back. I got on well with the people I worked with, particularly my Iraqi team leader who trusted me enough to put me on a campaign working by myself. Things got even easier when none other than Robert Bloody Weber turned up and started working. This meant that mine and Jons’ trips to the Vietnamese café next door got a new member and the levels of banter picked up. Unfortunately for Rob he started at 8 am and genuinely looked like he was suffering a lot.















Other than the new job, my last couple of months saw a great deal of action, and some stories/events that it will be impossible to forget. Whilst saving cash was my priority, I don’t have the ability to turn down a night out, trip to the AFL, drink or meal out so the last few weeks were full of these. I also joined the gym across the street in an attempt to quell the many excesses of travelling. The gym was the most hi-tech I have ever seen and I am thankful for the TV jukebox that allowed me to use Beyonce’s single ladies video as motivation. However, it was a bit of a luxury money wise and as I write this I actually owe them just under $100 (ironic given my job as a debt collector). So yeah if we could all keep quiet about that! The final two months also saw a few quality new faces turn up at the hostel and also the return of some old ones.











The most significant people to appear were my cousin Harriet and her boyfriend Ady. I can still remember opening the door dressed in my work gear, with biscuit in mouth and seeing these two very familiar faces. It was quite the shock. I knew that they were in Australia but did not know they were coming to Melbourne, or indeed my hostel. Having these two around was very good indeed. They integrated into the group and it was genuinely as if they had been around for as long as the rest of us. Many nights were spent out on the hit and miss or chilling watching television with the two of them and I know for a fact that everyone in the hostel enjoyed having them around. Moments that will stick out for me are; Ady’s level of drunkness on my birthday inside a strip club and Harriet’s explanation of the job she did briefly for Greenpeace. I think she managed two days! Both of them have done well to land jobs in Melbourne and should be there for a while earning some cash to fund the rest of their travels.



Writing this a long time after leaving Melbourne has made it slightly difficult to cram in everything that happened during our time there. For me, the most memorable events happened at the weekends, when us working folk had the opportunity to let our hair (or lack of) down. Alan Rowberry’s one man handstand demolition of a wall, the Notts boys playing centurion with goon and being incomprehensibly drunk and made to look like cats with a marker pen, me and Rob slide tackling bins as hard as we could (to the extent that I cut open my foot), Jon Lee’s drunken ramblings about the film Tron, the non stop amusement of egging on resident clown Elmar to do very stupid things. I will not forget these times. Mainly because I don’t want to and secondly because some of them were captured in video form…

Big nights out were a staple of our Melbourne diet. Due to work I was quite limited to going out only at weekends but my goodness we went for it when we did. Foreign Beggars, Pinch, Noah D at Brown Alley across the street was a big highlight for me, with it being the biggest of a bunch of dubstep nights me, Rob, Matt and others often went to. St George’s day was also a riot.

Now, when I’m back home I like most of the country do not celebrate St George's Day (how many of you know that St George was actually from Palestine), but being in a foreign country and it falling on a weekend, me and the strong English contingent decided to get stuck in. After an average Japanese meal, we went and bought a lot of assorted beer and whiskey. After listening to the national anthem we set about the usual hostel chaos. After a trip out to a club, breaking several things and getting complained about by some of our German friends for being ‘typical’ English, we made it back to the hostel, pleased that we had done our country proud. Robert Weber spent the night sleeping on the floor in his England shirt.
































We also had a few birthdays at the hostel during these months. Vincent Van Bueren kicked things off with a football quiz (?!) which I managed to win. Vincent absolutely loved quizzes and the chance to show how much he knows, particularly about football. I’m not sure if this is a dutch thing but I’d often come home from work to find him sat at the computer quizzing away. My birthday fell nicely on a Thursday night so I took the Friday off and started the day with a Grill’d. If ever you are in Australia EAT a Grill’d, they are absolutely superb burgers. After splashing out on a new shirt and some whiskey I received two of the best presents of all time...

I have never seen the film or read the books so some might feel that my criticism of the Twilight franchise is unfounded and misguided. However, I do know that Robert Pattinson gets on my nerves and looks like he is on crack. In addition, I know that the franchise is supposed to be about vampires but very little killing, if any happens.

Given that I’ve ranted in the hostel about Twilight several times, the lovely people of MC decided to get me a Twilight t shirt. It was well appreciated and I will wear it in bed or in the event of a traumatic event, like an Arsenal defeat. The other present was an expertly made voucher for a free lapdance at the nearby ‘Dallas Showgirls’ stripclub. This was obviously greatly appreciated, and a sign that the night was potentially going to get out of hand. I remember snippets of the nights festivities including being told to get off a table, smashing a glass, playing pool ridiculously drunk and then choosing the stripper with the biggest Bristol City’s. It was a thoroughly memorable way to spend my first birthday in a different hemisphere.











Robby Webe’s birthday also fell during May and started off in the more civilised surroundings of a Korean BBQ restaurant. Me, Rob, Jon Lee, Harriet, Ady, Ben, Matt, Hayley Oponeeee, weekend hostel receptionist Dene, commonwealth boxing extraordinaire Charath and Scottish Archie all attended and had a wicked time eating very good food that was cooked in front of us. Eating like this lends an element of theatre to the event and it was well worth the money we paid. After this, we went and had lots more beers all dressed in matching chequered shirts. This was an ironic gesture but drew comments from a smart arse Aussie who was then firmly put in his place. My last weekend included the sobering task of taking photos of the place I was about to leave. After me and the boys had a meal down Brunswick Street, I set off with Rob’s camera to take a few pictures of things that I liked around the place. Strolling down Southbank as it got dark, allowed me lots of thinking time and I decided with the skyscrapers twinkling in the foreground that Melbourne was a place I would like to visit again soon and possibly live in.