Ao Nang marked the first time I felt like I was in the 'beachy' bit of Thailand that you see on postcards. It was absolutely boiling on the first day and I failed suncream wise as did Tom, so we were left looking a bit reddened. We did see a man who resembled Dolph Lundgren however and moved like a robot because he was so hench. This made up for the soreness.
The 2 days we had in Ao Nang were pretty chilled out really, plenty of laying on the beach listening to Ipods. However, the 2 nights will stay with me for a long time. Now, many of you will know that being the Alpha male he is Rob is quite a hairy man. Perhaps similar to Beppe DiMarco in that respect. He also felt a bit vain on our first night so decided to go for a wax. Obviously, there was absolutely no way we were missing out on witnessing our good friend in pain, being the gents we are. In addition, Rob promised to get the wax done in a place with the most frightening fat gay Thai I have ever seen. Cameras at the ready we set off up the street.
Nothing could prepare us for what we were about to see.
The wax started off quite funny, not much in the way of noise from Rob, but then he is a double hard bastard with biceps the size of treetrunks.At this stage, we had big fat gay thai, (who was trying to come onto us and talk about Liverpool) a small woman who didn't speak a word of English, and a Samoan rugby player looking woman who also didn't speak a word of the queens. Things went very wrong when they ran out of waxing strips. They decided it would be a good idea to get in an industrial size bowl for melting wax and then pour it slowly over Rob's entire back. In the meantime, whilst we waited what seemed like hours for it to dry, I found some maids outfits behind a curtain.
When it had sort of dried they began peeling it off WITH THEIR FINGERS very, very slowly. This was obviously hurting very bad and our smiles and laughter soon disappeared. A-These women and half woman, half man clearly had never done a wax before and B- They were clearly quite worried that they were pulling out as much skin as hair. Rob's back resembled some sort of creature in an alien film and he was getting very irritated by the fat gay Thai's constant "Don't worry sir, just wait one more minute sir". I'm no expert in waxing, but it was clear that all they needed to do was get some strips and quickly pull all the wax off. Not in this country, one woman rushed off to the shops to return with some Immac. She spread this all over Rob's back and it now resembled Dirk Kuyt's face. We'd been here a good hour now and barely any hair had been removed. The stuff in Immac is quite toxic I think and not meant to be left on for very long, so after half hour with it on Rob quite rightly snapped and we stormed out of the shop.
This was now going to be a job for the boys. I was about to add waxing to my VAST (ha) selection of talents. After Rob had spent what seemed like 2 hours in the shower washing what he could of the mess off, me and Tom set about peeling the rest off with our hands. This was a bit rank, as we saw a few bits of blood and hurting your mate isn't the best feeling, but we got the job done. By the time we were finished, it was quite late and so we decided to chill out and watch the Barcelona game, hoping that we would never have to do something so feminine/weird ever again.
Second night in Ao Nang was also incident filled. Basically, after getting a deal on some mopeds for about 2 pound each, we decided to ride the 25 odd kilometres to Krabi towncentre. After eventually persuading the women that we had ridden them before, we set off in the evening light.(Mum you may want to look away at this point)
With night falling, we managed to get fairly far into the journey without any problems, however, my absolute inability to spot trouble got involved again when I nearly slammed into the back of a van that was pulling into park. Seconds later a dog ran across the road and nearly got splattered into a million pieces. I was starting to wonder whether this was a good idea. Krabi town centre was pretty crap and we got stared at a lot. Either because we are so good looking or because westerners don't bother going to Krabi town. We had a meal in a very strange restaurant where I swear I saw the owner snort cocaine before she took our food order. I also walked full on into a door frame and hurt my head. After a quick visit to an internet cafe we were set to go back to Ao Nang in time for Arsenal Liverpool.
Being complete retards, we didn't take a map of how to get back or pay much attention to where we needed to turn off etc. This was a big mistake. The journey home in the pitch black was absolutely littered with wrong turns. My particular favourite moment was when Rob needed a wee and we pulled over on some waste ground. All of a sudden, about 3 angry looking dogs charged towards us, I noticed this happening and also Rob hurrying back to his bike. Knowing that I definitely didn't want rabies I did a manouevre on my moped that literally blew the other two away. Somehow hanging onto the bike and keeping it upright I pulled the throttle very quickly and spun the bike in a donut 360 degrees with me sat ontop looking awesome as. All kinds of dust blew up and the other 2 almost died with laughter when they noticed that the dogs weren't interested in us and I had nearly killed myself/smashed the bike into pieces for no reason.
The rest of the journey took absolutely ages and got pretty scary when we went the wrong way for about 8 miles and only saw stray dogs and shadows. Considering we asked about 5 people what way to go, we were a bit worried about not finding our way and having to camp out somewhere. Luckily though, we managed to spot the tiniest sign and celebrated by beeping the horns and standing up on the bikes, like absolute James Blunts.
What's more... Arsenal beat Liverpool (Andre Arshavin, King of Anfield), I celebrated in an Irish pub full of Cockney Liverpool fans and we ate some nachos.
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